Sookie Stackhouse’s Step-By-Step Guide to Viking Vampire Sex

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Good news, sexually frustrated fang girls. Sookie Stackhouse has finally finished the second chapter in her newest book “A Fairy Princess’ Guide to Safe Sex With a Viking Vampire,” and we have a sneak peak to get you geared up for True Blood’s season finale!

Warning: You may need a glass of water for re-hydration purposes.

1. Allow Viking Vampire to bite your juicy groin vein. Try not to pass out.
2. Have sex in your ex-boyfriend's back yard.
3. Do it on your grandmother’s heirloom rug.
4. Do it doggie style in a fun house (take care not to morph into an actual dog).
5. Experiment with S&M.
6. Get high from Viking Vampire bodily fluids.
7. Transport yourself to Santa’s work shop.
8. Fall asleep mid-kiss and refuse to share the blankets.